Dippers goes to Taco Bell (AKA Amazon island!)
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Dipper finds himself thrown overboard and naked. He finds himself stranded on a mysterious island filled with man-hating amazons, man-eating unicorns, devilish Oni and cannibalistic, sentient plants! Is Dipper in hell? ...or could he make this heaven? Dipper X Harem Disclaimer: this is in NO way related to 'Dipper goes to taco Bell' I don't own that! image by 'DArtGuy86'
1. Chapter 1

**Dippers goes to Taco Bell (AKA Amazon island!)**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

**SUMMARY:**  
**On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

**The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

Gamelover41592: Thank you and yes, yes it is.

...III...

"ALRIGHT ORPHANS! WHO'S READY TO GO TO TACO BELL AND GET FOOD!?" Shouts the captain of the 'S.S. Cheapskate'. All the orphans gathered on the small dingy cheered happily...except for one.

Dipper Pines had not had a great life, picked on by other orphans and rejects. passed over numerous times for adoption by parents for being too 'weird'. The only thing about his birth family he knew is that he had a twin sister...who his parents liked more so they kept her at birth and gave him up(no seriously, it said that word-for-word on his birth certificate).

...needless to say, he'd become rather cynical...especially of the words of adults...

"Well, here you go!" The captain throws chum at all of them, drenching them from head to toe in guts(except Dipper who'd deliberately stood far enough away just in case).

...and once again, the adults didn't disappoint...

The kids look at the captain horrified as he laughed, "Sorry kids, but all the money given to that cesspit you call an orphanage is going to give the board of directors a solid gold- tax deductible -yacht! The only thing they were actually 'required' to spend on you in accordance to the 'rules' of the 'charity' was to give you a boat ride- gestures to his filthy dingy, give you 'food'- throws more chum at them -and take you to Taco Bell- points to the nearby sea -welcome to 'the Trapezoid of El Taco Bell'! Named after some...guy...who...discovered...the amazon...forest? Or something? Whatever, don't care. I've fulfilled my 'obligation', I got booze, I'll be in my quarters, don't wait up."

...He leaves them alone as the devastated kids started to sob as it began to rain...and Dipper started to slink away, hoping to get to cover before the inevitable-

"Where you think your going Pines?!" Snaps a voice as he's grabbed from behind.

-scapegoating...

Dipper sighs as all the children see he's not covered in chum and that he hadn't cheered with them...

"You knew about this and didn't tell us you jerk!?"

Dipper didn't even try to point out that that they wouldn't have listened to him and beat him up anyway...what was the point? Years of this has had him learn to just roll with the punches- literally.

"Look...we both know your going to beat me up...so can we just get it over with?"

but the lead alpha bitches- named Zita and Chloe -just chuckled, "Oh, no...this time we got something SPECIAL in mind for you." She points to the ocean, "I think it's time you go for a swim- Dipper started to panic as he was grabbed on all sides and held down...

"Were going to give you a choice...either we throw you in with no life preserver, throw you in with no clothes, or we destroy your precious journal...which will it be?" She asked sinisterly.

Dipper sighed...this was a new one, he'd give them that. He turns to their chaperon, "I don't suppose you'd be willing to stop this?" He asked in sarcastic resignation.

"I'm off duty", Said Mother Bitters apathetically as she ate her lunch...

Dipper sighed, "Of course..."

...

Dipper makes sure his journal is secure in it's water proof zip-lock bag, before also making sure his life preserver is covering his privates...not that it was doing any good...his face burnt as they laughed at him...

"I've seen fishbones with more meat on them!"

"Somebody call UPS, I just located the worlds most smallest package!"

"Hey gumbi, want some bone for those noodle-arms?!"

"Hey pasty! Get out in the sun more weirdo!"

"Is that your butt, or a couple of tiny molehills? and what's with that burn mark? Not enough of a freak already?"

Dipper was thankful that the ever-increasing rain hid his tears as he was made to walk the plank. He was painfully aware he didn't have the most athletic build...or the most manly...quite the opposite really.

He looked at his baby-dick in shame right before he was pushed over into the freezing ocean...

Mrs. Bitters turned the page of her magazine, "Right you can have your fun, but you have to eventually bring him back in...if all of you don't make it back...semi-alive, I don't get paid." She said with disinterest...she reaches over to her tea...only to pause to see a large ripple. Confused, she looks around...just in time to see a large tidal wave heading there way!

The kids, also seeing this, screamed in terror. "I regret nothing." Said Bitters dispassionately as the boat and all aboard it were sucked down to their deaths..

In later days, the ensuing investigation would reveal the orphanage as the hellhole tax-dodge it was...leading to all executive members of the company that owned it being fined millions and facing serious jail time...

But that's elsewhere...let's get back to Dipper...

...

Dipper's thin, bean pole like frame shivered as he washed ashore, he coughed violently. He exhaled the salt water that was caking the inside of his lungs. He shivered as his naked body was freezing. It had seemed like a good idea to forgo clothes to keep his research- his journal -and a means to keep from drowning...but he'd underestimated how freezing the ocean could be!

He ditched the life preserver, self-preservation over taking modesty. He quickly began to make a fire and fashion leaves into a blanket. Despite all this he was in for a long, miserable night.

Desperate to take his mind off the cold, he thinks back to what the captain said...Trapezoid of El Taco Bell? Where had he heard that before? He quickly reads through his journal...and sees how many ships had disappeared in that region over the centuries, NEVER to return...the only survivor was one El Taco Bell...the only known survivor of one of the vanished vessels washed ashore back in the 1600's half-starved, half alive and half-mad.

Half-babbling he gave a feverish tale of an island filled with monsters, feral magic horses, and man-eating amazonian woman with razor sharp teeth!

Dipper sighed, "A billion islands...and I end up on the worst one...of course, why not?" He keeps reading until he finally falls asleep...

...

For a moment Dipper didn't remember where he was as the sunlight hit his face and awoke him...then it all came back to him...he sighed...he parted the leaf-blanket off him, stood up and stretched his naked body out.

For a moment he considered finding or making clothes but decided food, water and perhaps a signal fire should be the priority. Survival needed to take priority over modesty. He reasons to himself as he gives himself one more stretch-

"Hey, Mable!"

Everything froze as a still very naked Dipper mid-stretch instinctively turned toward the direction of the VERY feminine voice...and nearly had a heart attack.

Standing before him was a drop-dead sexy teen red-head. She wore nothing but a leopard skin loincloth which were only thigh length, her but was like a perfect pair of bubbles, her breasts were curvy and bouncing freely, exposed to elements unashamed. Her nipples resembled hard, small cherry pits that poked out. Not to mention smatterings of cute freckles scattered throughout her skin. From her rosy cheeks to her rosy booty...

But the fact a nearly naked girl was in vicinity of Dipper's nudity wasn't what nearly gave Dipper a heart-attack...IT WAS HER RAZOR SHARP TEETH! not to mention she was TWICE his height and clearly had more muscles in one arm then he did in his whole body!(but not in a disgusting over-the-top way, she was still sexy) She was covered head-to-toe in war paint that screamed 'KILL YOU' and her hair was decorated in bone fragments!

Clearly this was a man-eating amazon the book warned about! She could break him in half, she could kill him ten times before he hit the ground, she...was giving him a warm smile and waving to him as she approached in a friendly matter? What?

Dipper regarded her confused/terrified as she approached, "Hey Mable, what are you doing here I thought you'd be- Wait, Mable what happened to your hair? Your breasts? And where's your loincloth? Did you pick a fight with the fauna again? Dang it girl, some flowers just aren't worth it!"

Dipper immediately realized that due to his almost impossible to see teeny weeny and feminine frame this amazon had mistook him for a GIRL! Ordinarily, Dipper would be mortified by this...fortunately, self-preservation and reason won out and he rolled with it.

"Uh...yeah! Totally, I should listen to you more!" Said Dipper in his best 'girl' voice...

Wendy's eye's filled with concern, "Geez Mable, you sound terrible! I'm taking you back to the village!" Before he could protest, she scoops him up and runs to the village.

Dipper gulps...he was out of the frying pan and into the fire...and yet all he could think of was the magnificent breasts poking into his back...

_"Am in hell?...or is this heaven?"_ Thinks Dipper to himself as he was carried off to face his destiny...for better or for worse...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dippers goes to Taco Bell (AKA Amazon island!)**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

**SUMMARY:**  
**On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

**The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Eventually, Dipper was able to rip his gaze from Wendy's magnificent breasts to see where they were going. Once more he couldn't helped but be impressed by this woman. She jumped and swung from tree to tree like a pro! Leaps that would stagger Olympians were nothing to her! She was like a sexy female Tarzan!...Dipper was starting to think of her as easily the coolest person he'd ever meet...

And then he saw the village. At first he thought there were just several pyramids...but as he got closer...he saw they were actually skeletons of giant pyramid-shaped creatures that had been apparently hollowed out and moved into after they'd died...

And it didn't take Dipper long to realize WHAT killed them. Surrounding the pyramids were small little huts built around ruins...ruins that depicted great battles played across them. Showing these great woman fighting monstrous giant men...Fighting giant fire-breathing Stallions...fighting demonic girls...fighting giant kraken...fighting...well...you get the idea, basically the woman of this island were sharp-toothed badasses...

A tribe of Sharp-toothed badasses...that he was now in the middle of! Dipper started to panic a bit...worse...all the depictions of the 'well-hung' men and Stallions were making him fell more and more self-conscious...

Wendy brought him to another a group of girls...

One was purple haired, same height as Wendy, clearly a chiseled hunter like Wendy, wearing nothing but a tiny loincloth that barely contained her cantaloupe sized, darktanned, firm butt cheeks. Her breasts on display for all also much like Wendy...UNLIKE Wendy, She had her nose buried in what appeared to be some sort of snow globe and barely acknowledged the world around her...

Another was the tallest of the lot. Brownish-red hair that burned like chakra and was fashioned into a low ponytail. She had arms like boulders and legs like tree trunks. Her bare stomach rippled with muscles and cords of muscle stood out across her body. Much like the others, she wore nothing but a skimpy loincloth...

The last of the girls- also naked save for a loincloth -She had long, flowing dark hair, some crude form of self-made spectacles. Her breasts, butt and height were more conventional compared to the others. But unlike the rough and tough warriors her skin seemed more soft, warm and squishy...good combo all things considered. She had a good, healthy covering; her legs were long, perfect and slender. With dainty little ankles that were constantly crossing and uncrossing and small, delicate doll-like hands...

"Tambry, Grenda, Candy! Have you seen Emma Sue? Mable got up into weird fauna again and it's really messed her up!"

The girls groan, "again?" collectively...

Candy sighed as she stepped up, "Let me look at her, I'm not the medic Emma is but I've read enough to cure it if it's something basic."

Wendy quickly put Dipper down, Dipper- having just enough time to grab his journal before being grabbed casually used it to cover his crotch as Candy examined him.

Candy examined her 'friend' concerned. "Oh, Mable! Your splendid breasts have shrived up! She gives his nipples a concerned, squeeze, prod and flick. Dipper...felt himself go hard. He tried to stop it but frankly it was a miracle he'd lasted this long! Their were sexy naked girls around and he was naked! Fortunately, his journal covered it...

A concerned Candy examined 'Mable's' atrophied muscles and declare how even a toddler could beat her up now- Dipper had to try REALLY hard to not weep from that sting to his ego.

She poked his but and lamented how 'Mable's' beautiful, bouncy butt was now a sad, scrawny, pasty shadow of what it once was...(Dipper was torn between arousal of a cute girl prodding his rear...and humiliation of said rear getting badmouthed)

_"Wait, Pasty? The rest I could get...but how could her tan have reversed to such a degree in such a short amount of time?...somethings wrong here..."_

And then Candy got to the groin, "Uh, Mable? Could you drop the book? I need to examine your labia. Dipper gulped but did so- to refuse would look suspicious, he desperately tried to calm down...

_"Unsexy thoughts, Unsexy thoughts...uh, naked guys! Fat naked guys! Fat guys in speedos! UGH!" _Thankfully, it was enough to get flaccid in time. Dipper was torn between relief that no one noticed anything and kept believing him to be a girl...and humiliated that no one noticed anything and thought he was a girl...

Candy takes a closer at his crotch... "Hmmm...seems to be perfectly normal and healthy girl parts- an even more mortified Dipper had to fight really hard not to cry as his ego was constantly mauled -wait, what's this?" And that's when Dipper felt his loins clamped within a tiny set of tweezers.

"What is this? I've never seen anything like it before!" Exclaimed Candy, curious all the other girls gathered around to see it as well.

"What the-

"What's that supposed to be?"

"Is it...a jelly beans smaller baby?"

Dipper couldn't help it, he was getting a serious fear boner now...

"Oh! It grew! ...A little bit anyway. How odd, I've never seen anything like this before." She gives it a pull with her tweezer, Dipper cries out in pain.

"Oh, sorry Mable! Wait, that hurts? Better get a second expert opinion- Oh, Emma! There you are! Your the medical expert, what do you make of this?"

Dipper was getting dangerously close to hyperventilating as yet ANOTHER nearly naked, cute girl waltzed over to his naked and now emasculated body. Emma Sue had a few adorable freckles splatterd across her face and some bright, brown pigtails. Although wearing a skimpy loincloth like the rest, she also allowed her cute little nipples to be free to the breeze.

She puts down her medical kit- full of various healing herbs and tonics -and looked 'Mable' over.

"How strange." She said as she gave the tiny 'lump' a twist- earning another yelp of pain from Dipper...he was starting to cry now.

"Wha? Oh, sorry Mable. But this is peculiar...I think...I think in the ancient historical texts...I read something like this...I think...they were called...maybe...'dicks'?"

**HELLO!**

Dipper turned around, the first thing he thought was he was looking in the mirror...then he realized, NO it was no mirror...it was a girl! A GIRL version of him! Like the others, she had sharp teeth, almost completely naked save for a skimpy loincloth that cuped her perky little ass cheeks in all the right ways, she had long flowing brown hair similar to his short boy hair, and had breasts three times the size of her head!(seriously, the dang things looked like they could kill a horse if swung the right way! ...yet surprisingly, they were set in her frame just right and didn't seem to get in her way at all! Despite being- again -freaking enormous!)

Mable smiled, "Hey guys, crazy story- Whoa, Candy, did you try making that weird 'frozen' sand thing again...cause this looks...weird...but kinda great!" She says looking at a now sweating-bullets Dipper with interest...

The girls just looked at her stunned, "Mable?" Asked Emma baffled, "Wait, if your you then who's-

**RIP!**

**GAH!**

**CRASH!**

Dipper screamed bloody murder as he took the distraction as a chance to run...ripping his dick clean off in Emma's firm grasp in doing so. The pain was so great, he tripped and crashed into Emma's medical kit, causing him even further pain. But all the medical salves that had just splattered on him seemed to make the pain go away, so he just kept running. While the girls just looked after him completely shocked and confused...

...

Meanwhile, not too far away...

Princess Pacifica smiled at the new golden statue made in her honor, "An impressive likeness...of course it can't compare with the real thing naturally." She said haughtily.

Pacifica, like all the other woman on the island; had sharp teeth and was almost naked. UNlike the other's in addition to a solid gold and Jewel encrusted loincloth(which the others found weird as it was clearly heavy, cumbersome and uncomfortable...yet Pacifica and her mother insisted on wearing them as it 'befitted' one's of their stature.), a Golden bikini top(one clearly several sizes smaller then her actual size and caused her much pain and was VERY hot and sweaty in this climate, but AGAIN she insisted that none but her lover would see her chest as was tradition for one of her high station.) and a cloak of golden scales(which of course was also ridiculously heavy and impractical in such a climate, but try telling that to girls who were full of themselves).

Despite her arrogance, she was rather beautiful. She was very curvy. She had a massive rear- confined as it was in a skimpy, inflexible loincloth that CLEARLY gave her an excruciating wedgie no matter how much she denied it -her generously large butt cheeks looked like someone cut an extra large globe in half and attached it to her thick thighs and wide hips.

She had breasts to match- straining under her bikini so much that blood vessels were showing and looked fit to burst -very large and bouncy. Her core looked strong and tight, not as strong as Wendy or Grenda's of course but clearly it was well taken care of.

She had smooth, creamy, white skin that didn't have a blemish in sight. Finally, she had golden hair that went all the way down to her dainty little ankles.

Melody, just rolled her eye's as Pacifica bragged. Melody was the gatherer and cook of their little community. She, Priscilla and the old crone Hand witch were the last 'true' adults on the island(of course, in Priscilla's case, she was starting to wonder about if it was just her and Handwic- Oh, who was she kidding? It was just her...)

Melody- like most of the woman here(save for Handwich)- had an incredible body, so soft and squishy like an enormous pillow. Her breasts were solid G's or even T's(if that was even a thing!). She had a bit of belly fat, but combined with her large maternal hips it worked to give her a very warm, inviting feel to her...and of course, was naked save for a loincloth...

...In any case, Priscilla and Pacifica only ruled over them because everyone decided that it was easier to just let them THINK they were in charge(they threw less tantrums for one thing). Despite their bluster and arrogance...they mostly left people alone(it helped they spent most of their time lording over everyone else inside those huge pyramids alone, instead of living in the village for some reason). True they listened to them during ceremonies and holidays, but that was more for the sake of tradition then actual obedience.

The only reason they kept getting sculptures or other artwork depicting their 'glory' was because Mable loved her work- and was too nice to say no -just for the thrill of it.

In any case, it looked like her bragging was over with so FINALLY she can discuss what she came for, "That's...wonderful Princess, but we really need to discuss this months harvest festival-

**CRASH!**

As the third oldest woman on the island, Melody was one of the three remaining woman left on the island who remembered the dark times. Remembered when woman were oppressed by giant, savage men. When every newborn girl was eaten by their 'father' while they waged war against the equally monstrous ponies and Oni...dark times indeed.

But even she barely recognized Dipper as a 'guy'. She watched in bewildered amazement as a comical caricature of the 'men' who her mother gave her life to protect her from came out of nowhere, crashed into Pacifica, and fell down the hill with her tangled in his embrace-

...5 seconds ago...

In hindsight, Dipper should have kept an eye on where he was going...but he couldn't help it! Not only had the salve he crashed in fixed the pain but it had also grew his wiener back! In SECONDS! How could he NOT gap at that for a crucial second-

**CRASH!**

And then he crashed into the hot blond with the balloon sized tits, and a statue made of gold. They all tumbled down a nearby hill. They crashed into a tree. A falling Dipper desperately grabbed onto Pacifica's bikini-

Pacifica's eye's widen, "No, idiot! They can't handle-

**SNAP!**

**CRACK!**

Her bikini- already under too much strain as it was -completely shattered, Dipper still desperate to keep from falling grabs-

**EEEEK!**

Squealed Pacifica as her breasts were squeezed just as the branch broke. Pacifica feel on the broken remains of her statue and Dipper feel on her. "GAH! MY BACK! I'M RUINED!" She sobbed in pain.

Dipper, feeling terrible. Put his talents as a masseuse to good use- the orphanage forced the kids to do weird crap like this to make extra money. Pacifica whimpered as Dipper caressed the back of her body...only to let out a moan of pleasure as her back pops back into place.

Hearing other girls coming, Dipper quickly grabs his -still miraculously with him- journal and runs. Pacifica quickly comes to her senses, wraps her cloak of golden scales to conceal her nudity from the commoners and screamed bloody murder of having that 'demon boy' be hunted down and burnt alive!

...or brought back chained up naked as her slave...whichever was easier...(she whispers this last part with a blush)

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


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